Ask me 

10 years ago when I was finding my path people would ask me, what do you want to be? Back then, I hardly knew. I said a teacher, of course. Little did I know that I had so much to learn. Ask me now: 

I’ll tell you I don’t want to be a teacher. I want to be everything. I want to be a wife, a mother, a friend, a Christian, a leader, a seeker,  a game changer, a personal masterpiece, and above all, I want to be a champion. That’s what I want to be. 

Who says I have to settle with one thing? 

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January is the birth and the death of motivation

Hello, all!

So, here I sit, in my room on a Saturday night. Why, you ask? Well, because my motivation to be better as a human and my ability to have said motivation have simultaneously been created and destroyed in the same month. Welcome to January.

For the last week and a half or so, I have been chewing on a few ideas, but knowing very little about how I am actually going to turn these into goals, and what’s further, accomplish them. Wanting to achieve something but not knowing how to do so, has to be one of the most frustrating things ever.

Most of these goals are designed around a single focus: education-educating myself on the world, and doing what I can to educate others. I have little money to go explore it, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t learn about it, and it should also be the same for others. While I don’t consider myself dumb or uneducated by any means, I know that there are many things that are above my experience, education, and exposure level. These are the things I hope to change by closing the gap on what I know, what I can learn, and what I can do because of my new-found knowledge, especially for those who are like me.

I grew up in a primarily un-political home, meaning that my parents never put much time into politics or government policy. Instead, what they did was stay informed as a citizen locally by watching the news merely for updates on what happened today.

Some may call it laziness or not doing their due-diligence, but my parents have done all they can to ensure that I make a life for myself; in fact, sitting here stewing on that notion only makes the reality that I haven’t done anything about this that much clearer.

I have created guidelines for myself to become better: drink more water, be healthier physically, and take better care of my mental health, and etc. I have accomplished some of these things, but those are a lifestyle change, not a goal to accomplish. One goal always leads to another, and one change always opens the door for another opportunity of growth. My next object of want is to build up the courage to ask my very intense boss for a letter of recommendation so I can pursue a job in another district because I make next to nothing and can’t afford rent with a roommate-gotta thank those low property taxes for my low paycheck!

In order to achieve I have to step out of my comfort zone, be more confident, and go after the things I deserve rather than waiting for them to find me. I believe everything happens for a reason, but I also believe that God sends signs and you can choose to listen or ignore them. I am also learning that decisions you make have to be for you instead of the people around you. Of course it’s important that those you love and care about are considered, but ultimately, it’s all you.

That all being said, I have a vision for what I want to accomplish, the dormant drive to accomplish them, and no real plan for how I am going to get there, and THAT, is the part that gets me. As a teacher, I am a planner by nature, so the lack of a plan has the ability to make me feel like I’m not actually achieving much.

To combat this, I just purchased an app called “Balanced”; it allows you to set up your life and balance yourself out. It’s hard to imagine that people learned how to do this without an electronic device, but I need a little more help than that, I suppose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Things I don’t understand

  1. Why I am working so hard for such a small paycheck, living with my parents, and still not being able to save any money.
  2. Why student loans have to exist in the magnitude they do.
  3. How even when I think about getting a second job I panic that I won’t have time for my first job and my performance will suffer… or that I won’t have any kind of life after that.
  4. How anyone who is not a teacher automatically assumes that my job requires little work, and fails to understand that I don’t just show up, do my thang, and leave–that I actually sometimes work at the school until 7 and take things home with me just to ensure that I don’t fall behind.
  5. Kids coming into my room for help during my prep period. I love helping them, but how in God’s name can I get anything done if they are having a mid-life crisis about writing their essay?
  6. The lack of money I have for Christmas presents for reasons 1-3.

Please excuse my December existential crisis. It too shall pass, but in the meantime, you bet I’m going to freak out.

Daily Prompt: Hyperbole

via Daily Prompt: Hyperbole

A hyperbole is something I am all too familiar with. For one, I am a high school English teacher, and I teach this in figurative language, and two, I often speak in hyperboles because I tend to air on the side of dramatic as hell.

My friends become irritated, or rather, my best friend becomes irritated because she seems enthused about little, where I tend to be quite the opposite. You see, a hyperbole is a statement. It’s more than just figurative language, it’s a grandiose arrangement of words meant to draw attention to the whatever minuscule detail that manifests itself in front of your withering eyes.  It’s possible the words seem less fitting when it’s a serious matter, but they can also be used to dilute that matter into something more comprehensible for the human mind.

We all exaggerate, that is not a fib, but the human mind thinks in interesting ways. Sometimes a small detail gets lost in the muck until it’s owner gets tired and turns the idea into something so indefatigable that there is no possible way for it to be ignored any longer. It also contributes to the ever elusive concept of passive aggressive behavior. Something which I, too, am no stranger.

Whether you’re the passive aggressive doll that just likes to stir the pot when it’s cooking unevenly, or if you’re the literary genius who feels exaggeration is the only good writing that exists, a hyperbole is just what I said-a statement. Whatever its purpose, it has one, and it demands the listener’s immediate and undivided attention.

 

Daily Prompt: Value

via Daily Prompt: Value

Value is so multifaceted, and even in my own definition, I can’t quite hold its place with one particular meaning. There is the intrinsic value I place on objects of significance, the things I own, and the things I make. Then there is the value that I place on my heart, my life, my thoughts, and my abilities. Regardless of it’s denotative meaning, value is something created, but never destroyed.

I value the people in my life, and though they come and go, for a short period of time, they taught me small fragments of what it means to be alive and happy in this world. The value given to those who enter my life is something that cannot be seen, but it is something more powerful than any possession I own. The people in my life are the reason I live, despite the fallouts, the fights, and the disappointments; they give me everything.

The people in my life come and go, and I will spend the entirety of my life working to show appreciation to those who place themselves in my path. However, I will not be a liar and claim that my only value is the people that come into my life, but I value myself as a human being. I hold a place in my heart so deep that demands that I value myself as much as I value another person. While I am not inferior nor superior to anyone, I am equal.

I am a sentimental hoarder. I keep letters, cards, ticket stubs, and plane tickets in a box for myself and my love. These are things that I hold near and dear to my heart because with each of those items, a little of myself is with them, and a little piece of our love is on each and every item. They may just be trinkets and tiny senseless things, but the value they hold is nothing less than priceless. I value the things that represent the people in my life, for they are the most important.

Of all the things to be valued in this world, I could not ask for a better experience. Giving value to something isn’t quantitative, it’s qualitative.