Chapter 103-104

Sometimes things happen unexpectedly; you set yourself up on a date just to see if you are capable at having a conversation, ease your nerves on meeting new people, and get whacked in the face when the unexpected happens.

I was never expecting to meet someone. If anything, I was expecting to go on a few fun dates, let them fade, and start my life as a single woman. Either way, I knew one thing: that it was over. Regardless of what happened after, everything before told me that it wasn’t enough. I was foolish and I let my head justify something that my heart knew was true.

While he wasn’t a bad man, he didn’t hurt me intentionally, although several times I had been hurt because of him. His fatal flaw was that he was selfish. Several times I had put him first instead of the things I cared about like God, my family, my friends, and most importantly, myself. But this process only proved to be damaging in the end. Instead of listening to what I felt, I justified my actions by saying, He’ll care someday, or, He’s just stressed. I deserved better the whole time.

Little did I know that one date would change everything I thought I knew. I met someone when I wasn’t expecting to, he blew me out of the water, and I can’t even explain the magnetism in which he uses to pull me to him. We talk, we connect, and we express how we feel without remorse.

It’s hard not to compare this to my last, but it’s a constant reminder of what I have been searching for, even after I had stopped really searching.