Ask me 

10 years ago when I was finding my path people would ask me, what do you want to be? Back then, I hardly knew. I said a teacher, of course. Little did I know that I had so much to learn. Ask me now: 

I’ll tell you I don’t want to be a teacher. I want to be everything. I want to be a wife, a mother, a friend, a Christian, a leader, a seeker,  a game changer, a personal masterpiece, and above all, I want to be a champion. That’s what I want to be. 

Who says I have to settle with one thing? 

January is the birth and the death of motivation

Hello, all!

So, here I sit, in my room on a Saturday night. Why, you ask? Well, because my motivation to be better as a human and my ability to have said motivation have simultaneously been created and destroyed in the same month. Welcome to January.

For the last week and a half or so, I have been chewing on a few ideas, but knowing very little about how I am actually going to turn these into goals, and what’s further, accomplish them. Wanting to achieve something but not knowing how to do so, has to be one of the most frustrating things ever.

Most of these goals are designed around a single focus: education-educating myself on the world, and doing what I can to educate others. I have little money to go explore it, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t learn about it, and it should also be the same for others. While I don’t consider myself dumb or uneducated by any means, I know that there are many things that are above my experience, education, and exposure level. These are the things I hope to change by closing the gap on what I know, what I can learn, and what I can do because of my new-found knowledge, especially for those who are like me.

I grew up in a primarily un-political home, meaning that my parents never put much time into politics or government policy. Instead, what they did was stay informed as a citizen locally by watching the news merely for updates on what happened today.

Some may call it laziness or not doing their due-diligence, but my parents have done all they can to ensure that I make a life for myself; in fact, sitting here stewing on that notion only makes the reality that I haven’t done anything about this that much clearer.

I have created guidelines for myself to become better: drink more water, be healthier physically, and take better care of my mental health, and etc. I have accomplished some of these things, but those are a lifestyle change, not a goal to accomplish. One goal always leads to another, and one change always opens the door for another opportunity of growth. My next object of want is to build up the courage to ask my very intense boss for a letter of recommendation so I can pursue a job in another district because I make next to nothing and can’t afford rent with a roommate-gotta thank those low property taxes for my low paycheck!

In order to achieve I have to step out of my comfort zone, be more confident, and go after the things I deserve rather than waiting for them to find me. I believe everything happens for a reason, but I also believe that God sends signs and you can choose to listen or ignore them. I am also learning that decisions you make have to be for you instead of the people around you. Of course it’s important that those you love and care about are considered, but ultimately, it’s all you.

That all being said, I have a vision for what I want to accomplish, the dormant drive to accomplish them, and no real plan for how I am going to get there, and THAT, is the part that gets me. As a teacher, I am a planner by nature, so the lack of a plan has the ability to make me feel like I’m not actually achieving much.

To combat this, I just purchased an app called “Balanced”; it allows you to set up your life and balance yourself out. It’s hard to imagine that people learned how to do this without an electronic device, but I need a little more help than that, I suppose.